Looking forward, looking back.

How clearly does the Lord provide in times of need. How great and magnificent is His power. Listening to Dr. Don A. Carson on Friday night and then again this morning has had a tremendous impact on my soul. Not only is he a renowned author, trusted theologian, and a clearly anointed man of God, but I know absolutely nothing of his personality. I could listen to this man and feel safe and nourished: I was fed for the first time in many, many months. Praise God for provision.

Today was a good day spent with good company. Joel was kind enough to help me with scheduling and sorting out the mess of transfer-credit-paperwork and Melody sweetly shared with me some of her story. I like these people. I fully expect that my plan for their lives will come to fruition (see conversation had at Pick Up Stix).

Also, the above photo spoke to me. It is of the sky before Hurricane Katrina hit. Incredibly beautiful, fantastic even, but the source of so much pain and suffering. Perhaps there is a metaphor to be had.

This morning (afternoon), during the worship at the end of church, I prayed acknowledgement to God that He will not forsake me. I know this; I learn this over, and over again. But to say it out loud is extremely comforting and has a tremendous impact on my heart and mind. It also helps me to trust that God will provide. Because He will. He will.

"Cast your cares on the Lord

and he will sustain you;

he will never let the righteous fall.

But you, O God, will bring down the wicked

into the pit of corruption;

bloodthirsty and decietful men

will not live out half their days.

But as for me, I trust in you."

Psalm 55:22-23

One of these mornings

There is just something about being in California that is easily forgotten and a shock when remembered. I can’t exactly put my finger on it, though it is akin to dreaming that you are the subject of a song. A vivid dream. I have a dream? A dream is a wish your heart makes.

“Going out to California / Gonna let the water warm my clothes”

There are a few people whom I miss very much right now. I would be happy to simply be in the presence of these people. You know me. Well, maybe you don’t: I don’t like solitude. I like solitude even less than I like cantaloupe. And, oh, do I loathe cantaloupe.

Check out this band. “The Story I heard” is my new jam.

I can’t seem to focus. Maybe one day I’ll put my money where my mouth is and write something thought out and complete. What is it that I want to do? Write? Cue skeptical looks from the jury. Nudge whoever is beside you and raise your eyebrows. I know, I know! I don’t read or write nearly enough. I am out of practice. Also, I am a bit lazy.

And since we are being honest with each other I should tell you: As I was writing the last sentence of the last paragraph I accidentally wrote “lonely” instead of “lazy”. Any of you psych majors want to weigh in? Oh, don’t bother. We all know.

I feel inspired today.

Oh, but we have hope in hope.

Oh California, you've snuck upon me like a snake in a garden.

My hopes for you are high and widely spent.

I found you among the roses and you drew from me

an act I never thought I would. I am surrounded by

a lake of souls, manmade - messing with nature,

but we've got to stop the water crisis!

This is not my blessing. The mountains in the distance

serve as mediator between sky and golden plain.

I didn't think you'd have the nerve to come and say goodbye.

Just call me Bandon.

Though the world did not stop turning, you may have heard the tragic news: I have lost my beloved Outdoor School water bottle. This wonderful, brown, nalgene holder-of-sustenance was forgotten in the cup holder of La Mirada's very own Regal Cinemas. It is hard to regret going to see It's Kind of a Funny Story because the movie was such a pleasure to see (flashback to the imagined rock concert given by the patients of the mental hospital, lip-syncing Queen and David Bowie's "Under Pressure"), but to have lost a water bottle that has stayed with me through countless (about two) weeks out at Camp Namanu and at least one freshman year at college is...heartbreaking. I love my water bottle. I love that my camp name was written on it. Some employee of the movie theater probably found it and thought that I either a) can't spell, or b) have an odd phobia of the letter 'r'. This would make more sense if you knew my camp name: It's Bandon.

This said, I now drink my water from a coffee mug that sits on a shelf beside my bed. This is far less convenient/the source of immeasurable subconscious stress (what if I knock it over in the middle of the night?!). Oh, to be me.

Any ideas?

I really wish I were in the middle of a good book right now. Last year when I went away to school I brought all of my favorite books with me. All of the classics, my poetry, books I'd read for school, etc. By the end of the first semester I had absolutely no room on my bookshelf. This year, in an attempt to not try and fit my entire world into one 14x18 dorm room, I did not bring a single book that was not required for school. I also did not factor in that I am roughly 950 miles farther from home than I was the first time around. Oops: no grabbing a book on a weekend home this year. You live and you learn, I suppose.

Anyway, back to the initial issue. I wish I were in the middle of a good book right now. I don't want to keep learning some song about the New Testament or memorizing the Russian word for German - I would far rather be lost in the mind of a character. Take me to another world, teach me something that I don't know. A new word, perhaps? Give me something to THINK about. Hulu is no longer a satisfying distraction: it just leaves me feeling empty, guilty and tired - kind of like eating copious amounts of a desert that I don't care for.

I think I have lost my touch...if I ever had one.

Sweaters are nice.

Life throws you curveballs. For seriously. I have to give a speech this Friday. I have a major paper due the same day that I won't be able to work on until Wednesday night. I probably won't see the gym this week. I just delivered a steaming cup of Stumptown coffee to a good friend as means of comfort. Also, today it is raining in LA: Sorry for the poor photography/quality.