I want my life to be about choices, not languor.

"If we feel that any habit or pursuit, harmless in itself, is keeping us from God and sinking us deeper in the things of earth; if we find that things which others can do with impunity are for us the occasion of falling, then abstinence is our only course. Abstinence alone can recover for us the real value of what should have been our help but which has been an occasion of falling...It is necessary that we should steadily resolve to give up anything that comes between ourselves and God."


-W.R. Inge

It comes with the territory.

I am tired. 

I am getting up at eight to work this body. 

I wish I hadn't seen what I saw tonight.

Actually, I just wish I could fast forward a tiny bit. The bulk of it has passed, but I still have a bit of a pride mess to clean up. Okay, "a bit" is an understatement in the grand scheme of Sarah, however, in regards to the issue at hand, I know that I am just a little windex away from a fresh, clear perspective. I can feel it. Hopefully no birds will die when my heart is healed. #windexcommercialscreepmeout

And I don't even tweet.

Go Dove.

I must become less.

Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which comes through faith in Christ, the righteousness from God that depends on faith-- that I may know him and the power of his resurrection, and may share his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, that by any means possible I may attain the resurrection from the dead.

Philippians 3:8-10

My nerves are slowly calming.

Welp, I'm all interviewed up. You should have seen me marching through campus to the SUB in borrowed wedges, hair parted to the opposite side: I was a regular Rory Gilmore out to make her big impression! "Hello, World (please don't reject me)." Whatever they decide, God is in control.

Having returned to my room and stripped of all things professional, I am now strung about the futon lamenting the Melville, Russian, Feminism and Acts that will occupy the remainder of my day. I wish I could rewind this weekend and find where all the time was hid away. Maybe I'll find it in my dreams? Sleep is not to be avoided. How long will my "I just really don't want to get sick" excuse hold up? Probably not much longer. I'll have to take advantage now:

Hey, well I would love to write some more but I am feeling a bit tired. Cass has been sick, you see, and I just really don't want to catch what she has, so...I had better take a nap.

Just fall asleep tonight.

I avoid an awful lot.

This is becoming increasingly clear. Relationships, conflict, stress...I've somehow come to believe that the best way through is around. The best part is that this isn't who I thought I was: "Communicate, communicate!" persuades Sarah, oh so persuasively. But look! Is that not she taping her mouth and sneaking out the back door? Wouldn't it be easier if fraud were observable to the unobservant eye?

I think I'll change the name of my blog from "mildly aware" to "not the least bit aware." It's got a ring to it.

I'm sure you've already picked up on this, but I avoid these things in an attempt to avoid the pain, embarrassment or discomfort that they often include. In other words, I am a wuss. Or I'm smart? Or not. I bet your thinking to yourself, "Now wait a minute, what is this gal talking about? She seems a little mixed up!"

Yes.