You know this.

I have never been all that good at telling things exactly how they are. I try to leave things out and remain a mystery, but I usually say too much. I throw people under the bus or I share inappropriately personal nuggets that are really meant for much larger, deeper conversations then just a "Hey, how are you doing?" Yikes.

I am still working on my Genesis homework. Which is, you know, great because I just keep learning stuff. Like that God is faithful. Like really, really faithful. My creative writing professor would have a problem with that last sentence. She says that people today don't use strong enough adjectives. I agree with her, but I am also lazy. Anyway, God is faithful. Also, my sister's friend is really sick. In fact, she is in the hospital. This stresses me out because, as old as my sister and her friends think they are (and I felt the same way at their age), they are little girls and I don't want my little girls to be sick.

What is funny is that when I was in high school I felt like I was rather grown up, but when I step back and look at myself now, I feel unbelievably young. I look at how much of my life I have completed, nearly 20 years, but I feel like a little baby: I don't feel ready for the world. In fact, I would like to redo childhood, please. Heck, I would like to redo today, please. And go to grammar school, apparently.

Sometime in November

I want to be that which inspires.

See a face red with laughter and realize this could be the future-

Yours. Not every verse has to be romantic: you know this.

You know that not everyone knows what is right and

Sometimes the cowboy kills the bad guy out of spite

And finishes life drunk and alone, and that is the end of it.

But you know this, and you write it anyway.

You realize that life isn’t an illusion, or an allusion and cannot

Be summed up in a metaphor in a poem on a piece of paper.

You know that each blank page is territory un-crept, not defiled

Yet. You know this.

You are learning that conscious failure is sometimes hidden

Success and the only revealer is time: you know this!

What is more, you have seen the consequences of death;

You feel them and fight them and press to be beyond them.

But these consequences won’t send you to skip into the sunset.

Yes, you know this, so you turn to He who lives beyond

And you write and write and write

And thank him for a language geared mind and fingers to hold a pen.