Friday, May 28, 2010

The pale yellow moon shone in his eyes.

Spring semester of my freshman year of college has come to a magnificently anticlimactic close. I don’t feel relieved: I feel worn. I have definitely been hiding in my studies for the past couple of months, and now that I can’t do that any longer I am being forced to face reality and the quickness of time. If Time and I were to race, Time would be running circles around me. Also, I spent today worrying about my Soviet final, feverishly writing about the various characteristics of Korenizatsiia, packing up my life and saying permanent goodbyes. Whatever happened to “goodbye for now”? This feels like a country song. You know, the one where someone says goodbye…

Summer is here. Maybe my mood has something to do with the dark and dreary rain that made driving on the freeway a bit more of an adventure. Perhaps I can blame it on my upcoming search for the perfect pair of khaki colored pants for my cool new Persimmon Pool and Tennis Center job. Who knows (Shouldn’t I)?

I am wearing one of my impulse buy shirts. So that is nice. I want my bess frann to come over now, please.


Okay. Summer Goals:

Finish The Sound and the Fury

Read Anna Karenina

Be a stress-free summer schooler

Run, (Forrest), Run.

Wear dresses. Lots of dresses

Buy a new pair of boots

Do yoga because it feels good

Study some Bible and drink it like water

Be with people and tell them I love them

Be on time to work

Get some sunshine; Get more freckles

Have painted fingernails

Make a trip to Yakima

Make a trip to Prineville

Talk to Papa Dean about life

Get sleep

Don’t sleep past 10 (11 MAX)

Bike to Portland

Go see live music

Leave the future in the future

Wear lipstick


Okay, Go!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

The last train is nearly due.

Earlier today, in a sudden burst of spontaneity, I joined my friend Suzy in attending Jesse Hughey’s senior thesis presentation. Jesse is an English major and a minor celebrity here at Linfield as lead singer of the homegrown band Jack Ruby Presents. It was only fitting, then, that his thesis should be a collection (album?) of six songs that conflated his creative writing and musical skills. The songs were centered on the concept of a travelling musician, the question as to whether leaving home is necessary and a discussion of the transition from home to away. As Jesse began his first song, “The city’s smoking cigarettes/ against a concrete wall/ and I refuse to believe/ that you felt nothing/ at all/ London never felt so right/ without you,” I realized that I might never hear these songs again. The presentation/performance was held in a classroom and the small audience sat in desks. The setting was intimate and I began to sense a premature seed of nostalgia settling inside of me. For the next 50 minutes and five and a half songs I made it my intention to fully experience the present. I wanted to soak up the lyrics, the music, the sound of Jesse’s voice, and, beside me, the orange of my friend Jason’s shirt and the thorough, easy academia of Suzy’s note taking.

Soundtrack of the moment: "Poem on the Underground Wall" -Simon and Garfunkel

I finally started Faulkner’s “The Sound and the Fury.” I haven’t reached the point where reading it is more fun than talking about reading it. I am confident that moment will come. I am only on page twelve. I started it one night after a full day of studying—finals are becoming pretty intimidating. I have two more to go: full of in-class essays. Yikes. Tomorrow I will buckle down and structure my day. Let’s see:

8:30 Wake up. Run.

9:30 Breakfast with Kate

10:00 Study, Study, Study

12:ish Thai fooooooooood

1:ish Meet with Smith

2:ish Study, Study, Study

6:15 Leave for Monmouth, See Heidi, Listen to Ty, Love life

If I have any hope to accomplish this, I must sleep. And scene.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Me?

Today I realized.
No, I don't know what. Maybe one of me does (there are two). I was telling my friend Jason that I exist as a binary, except I didn't use such a pretty word. Often, the characteristics that are the dichotomy of Sarah are in conflict. Jason immediately offered an example, "Flesh and Spirit." This is true. Here are a few more:

Mother-er/ Child
She who longs for approval/She who doesn't give a rip
Academic/ Flake
Lover/ Failure
Rational/ Emotional
Emotional/ Caring
Liberal/ Conservative
Old-Fashioned/ Hand-shaker
Needy/ Needy
Sister/ Independent
Follower/ Leader
Hippie/ Sloth
Activist/ Exhausted
Learner/ Explorer
Traveler/ Homebody


Eh.

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Midnight Meditations.

I know some wonderful people. I mean that literally: these people are absolutely full of wonder. Wonder the noun, of course. These are people who leave me at times speechless and in awe of the Lord’s handiwork. God has given these people passion and direction and has gifted them in honesty and discernment. Some are wise. Others have an intuition that I could never dream of having—they know how to care for others deeply and efficiently. Some are filled with emotion that permeates every aspect of their lives. I truly know some wonderful, wonderful people.

Tonight, despite the fact that I finished my reading an hour ago and was able to take a much-needed shower and clean up a smidge, I will only get a few hours of sleep. I had planned on writing a lot more—I have so much more to say, to express—but I am this very moment realizing that if I don’t sleep now the sermon Kate and I will listen to in the morning will be useless to me.

Goodnight (moon).

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Forgetfulness is an agent of the soul.

Sometimes I forget what truth is. That is, I mistake it for something else and am disheartened. Tonight, as I contemplate a Shakespeare paper that should have been completed days ago, I find myself in the aftermath of my fore mentioned confusion and am frustrated. Why is it so difficult for me to be disciplined? Trust, Sarah, trust.

I've got language on the mind. Perhaps it is the horrid (quite wonderfully) social theory we've been assigned for Soviet class: language is neither solely the creation nor the creator of thought, but somehow a combination of both. Constative. Performative. Base. Superstructure. External Master. Truth-there it is again-Public Discourse. Metadiscourse. Mmm mmm mm, the sweetness of language!

Metadiscourse: An umbrella term for words used by a speaker or writer to mark the direction and purpose of a text; broadly defined as "discourse about discourse." Adjective: metadiscursive.

Speaking of language: I should get back to (slash start) Shakespeare. Thanks for the distraction.