And twenty days later

Today is a glorious day. I have finished my theology test, turned in my Beowulf essay, printed my time card, eaten lunch, and am now sitting peacefully at work our little writing center without an appointment for another 45 minutes. Delightful. And even though I could totally go for a nap, and I know that after 2:00 PM my day will be solely dedicated (save the probable, unexpected appointment) to reworking my essay on the contrasting imagery in Elizabeth Barrett Browning's "The Cry of the Children," I am contented.

I am officially a month into my third semester here at Biola University. I realize that I like it in spite of the fact that the temperature remains within five degrees of 80. God has blessed me with genuine friends, a safe, warm, spacious home, a steady job, and the desire to keep striving. I never understood what the big deal about finishing college was, "The hard part is getting there - then it's all down-hill!" But, as the months roll by, I am comprehending that one might just give up. People do. The more time that passes, the less foreign this seems.

I've been thinking a lot lately about what I'm doing with my life. Am I getting the degree that will best prepare me to love/help people, serve God and further the Kingdom? What does the church need right now? Am I capable of providing that? Has God put a desire in my heart to fill that need? What do non-profits want in an employee? What sort of non-profit should I be looking for anyway? Is it important to be with a Christian organization, or should I be open to working anywhere? Should I go to law school? Would I like law school....at all? If not, what sort of graduate school would I enjoy? What sort of graduate degree will prove most useful? Can I know the answers to any of these questions, or should I simply seek God and trust the desires that he puts in my heart? Why does coffee cost so much money? Does Bill O'Reilly get dizzy when he leaves the no-spin zone? Yes, I stole that last one from Stephen Colbert.

I don't know. These questions, excepting that last two, are on rotation in my head every time I think about "big-picture" school. I have met with a couple of professors to seek advice, but I think it might be important for me to wait on the Lord. After all, no one else is all-knowing, all-powerful and the exact definition of wisdom.

I think I will be still for the remaining 20 minutes of tranquility.

Kingdom Come!

Okay, so I might be addicted to trail mix. I don't eat it while on a trail, however, unless the trail of discarded raisins that run from the cupboard to the couch counts. I go through about one tub of Target's Monster Trail Mix per week: it accompanies every meal and consists of nearly every snack. What can I say? That M&M and peanut combo has really got me hooked.

As fascinating as the above paragraph is, I am saddened that, having finished, I don't know what else to share. My life is busy and I am turning 21 in about a week but I can't seem to figure out what to write. I've attempted two blogs in the past week, but each time I sit down I find myself staring at a blinking cursor and finally distracting myself with Facebook or Tumblr. Oh Tumblr, perhaps you have been my downfall! Blogger has somehow become intimidating - I crave the immediate satisfaction of re-blogging someone else's thoughts, ideas or inspiration. My friend Meghan described it as an "inspiration board of your life," which is wonderfully accurate, but...that's all it is. I don't flush out ideas or improve as a writer, thinker, or story-teller on Tumblr! Ay, Tumblr has made me lazy. And Facebook has made me distracted. Oh gracious.

So, perhaps I ought to face my fears and just keep writing. I am learning so, so much, I've got to share it! For example:

How wonderful is it that heaven isn't made up of clouds and togas and harps? That's right folks, when Kingdom comes, we will not find ourselves bored senseless, but will instead spend eternity engaging with the great, mysterious, incomprehensible, knowable, loving, kind, holy, just, graceful, and merciful, creator of the universe. We will never, ever, exhaust our knowledge of Him. Further, the world that we know now - while twisted and distorted by sin - was created by God and so, why do we imagine that the Kingdom will look so different? The entire world will be redeemed: nature, food, our bodies, those beautiful things that move our hearts....all of it! Oh,

"I will exhort you, my God and King,
and bless your name forever and ever.
Every day I will bless you
and praise your name forever and ever.
Great is the LORD, and greatly to be praised,
and his greatness is unsearchable."

Psalm 145:1-3

So much more to life than we've been told

Farther along we’ll know all about it
Farther along we’ll understand why
Cheer up my brothers, live in the sunshine
We’ll understand this, all by and by

Tempted and tried, I wondered why
The good man died, the bad man thrives
And Jesus cries because he loves em’ both
We’re all cast-aways in need of ropes
Hangin’ on by the last threads of our hope
In a house of mirrors full of smoke
Confusing illusions I’ve seen

Where did I go wrong, I sang along
To every chorus of the song
That the devil wrote like a piper at the gates
Leading mice and men down to their fates
But some will courageously escape
The seductive voice with a heart of faith
While walkin’ that line back home

So much more to life than we’ve been told
It’s full of beauty that will unfold
And shine like you struck gold my wayward son
That deadweight burden weighs a ton
Go down into the river and let it run
And wash away all the things you’ve done
Forgiveness alright

Chorus

Still I get hard pressed on every side
Between the rock and a compromise
Like the truth and pack of lies fightin’ for my soul
And I’ve got no place left go
Cause I got changed by what I’ve been shown
More glory than the world has known
Keeps me ramblin’ on

Skipping like a calf loosed from its stall
I’m free to love once and for all
And even when I fall I’ll get back up
For the joy that overflows my cup
Heaven filled me with more than enough
Broke down my levee and my bluff
Let the flood wash me

And one day when the sky rolls back on us
Some rejoice and the others fuss
Cause every knee must bow and tongue confess
That the Son of God is forever blessed
His is the kingdom, we’re the guests
So put your voice up to the test
Sing Lord, come soon 


Josh Garrels - "Farther Along"